Soaking

He held my hand as I walked with him to his classroom today. I grinned to myself like a clown because I know all too soon my hand will be dropped and these are fleeting moments to cherish.

To soak up.

I've been doing lots of soaking up lately.

Watching Mr Small try his snowsuit on for the millionth time despite the fact it's baking outside. I let him because he looks so stinking adorable and it reminds me of the adventures that lie ahead.

Putting out some Christmas decorations even though we leave soon. Because we know the people staying here while we're away can enjoy them and who doesn't love pretty things? (Mr Woog I hope you saw this photo and have organised Mrs Woog's Christmas present accordingly)

Lunch with friends. Online and offline.

Planning family picnics. Reconciling family dramas. Because life is too short, and after all, it is the season.

Realising every single day that life is filled with extraordinary surprises. This week there have been pregnancy announcements (NOT MINE I hasten to add) and two elopements (NOT MINE either)

And working out lots. Amazing how this has become such an innate part of my daily routine. At some point I will share a bit more of that journey with you and the impact it had had, well on everything.

I used scramble to meet deadlines and get it all done. Futile really, because when it is all ever really done? Instead I've done my best.
And know now that's enough.

Wishing you all a peaceful and happy weekend xxx

Stepping back up to the play

It's good to step back sometimes and just be reflective. To let the pitch just pass by and accept that you're simply not ready to take a swing at it, or catch it, or whatever it is that you're supposed to do at pitching time. I don't actually know what the rules are.

This week has been a peaceful one. It's a word that stands in stark contrast to the time of year. Everyone is dashing round getting ready for the imminent school holidays, the festive season, the end of the year. Everywhere I go people are telling me about their shopping lists, the 'to-do's' and 'what's next.'

And the thing is, I know I'm in a similar position to them. But these past few days I just haven't felt ready or able for it all. I've felt like someone on the sidelines just watching it all pass by in a bit of a blur. I knew why. I've allowed myself that time and space.

But yesterday afternoon I went out with a friend to play bingo. We sat in a huge hall and I didn't have a clue what to do. And the people sitting round us were so kind and helpful. Within minutes I morphed into some kind of bingo demon and joined in with the cheers and groans of the crowd as the games played out.

I had fun. I laughed and smiled again.

We went out for dinner as a family last night. This has been a recipe for disaster in the past. My shoulders have usually ended up surgically attached to my ears as I hiss: "Sit still!" or "STOP playing with the salt shaker!" But last night, the food was great, the kids were good and we laughed and loved and left the restaurant surrounded in that bubble of happiness. The one that a glass of wine and great company can give you.

So as a new week begins, I feel revived. Ready to start again.

Ready to play.

Hope you have a great week xxx

Sitting with the grief

One thing I have learned this weekend is how to spend a little time with grief. After our darling cat Sparkles was hit and killed by a car on Friday I spent the day alternating between floods of tears, to being completely matter of fact about the whole thing.

That’s the thing with grief, it takes you on a journey veering between the terror that you will never find a moment of joy and happiness again, through to rationalizing whatever has happened merely as a “terrible accident” or “how could they do that?” which we accept calmly. Until another wave hits us and we’re dragged under again.

In the past whenever sad or tragic things have happened within my family I have always tried to move past it as fast as possible. You know, until it came up and side slammed me in ways that meant I could no longer disregard the sadness I felt and I would have to confront it.

I hate grief.

I hate loss.

But this weekend I made a conscious decision to sit with it. I made a choice to accept that it was okay to be sad. That bursting into tears when I entered my son’s room knowing that I wasn’t going to find my darling grey cat curled up there ever again, was ok. Together my husband and I navigated digging her grave, burying her and having a little service with our children to honour her.

I’ve snuggled with our kids and we’ve laughed and cried together. I’ve been overwhelmed at the kindness and thoughtfulness of others. There were texts, phonecalls, emails and even a beautiful parcel from a friend which I was so grateful for.

Grief is a reminder not only of our current loss, but the ones we’ve endured previously. So I remembered my brother, my auntie, the many friends I’ve lost too soon. I’ve remembered the love and the pain that comes with saying good-bye. This is the gift grief gives us. The memories. Good, bad and otherwise.

In a world where I have been guilty of moving on from things too quickly this weekend has been strangely healing. It wasn’t self indulgent to just be sad. I won’t apologise for my mourning. I think sometimes we need to do less apologizing for our feelings and spend a little more time acknowledging them.

Grief and memories are not something we can ‘delete’ when they make us uncomfortable. This weekend has reminded me of the beautiful balance life and death create. And I am grateful for it.


Image credit

Did the fortune decree it?

This was the fortune cookie I got yesterday. (They seem to be a bit of an obsession at school and the offspring are allowed to take one each day as a special treat)

Lovely yes?

And the thing was, the day was full of surprises. Big and small and all pleasant. There was good news for friends and every phone call and interaction I had with others seemed to be a happy one. And throughout it all I kept coming back to the words from the fortune cookie. 

Now rationally speaking, all the lovely surprises of the day had nothing to do with the fortune cookie. It is mass produced and I will probably come across a similar decree if I eat enough of them ;) But it did alter my mindset somewhat. I was open to positive and good things happening and when they did I was more aware of them.

And sometimes that is all we need isn't it? Just the promise of a good day, or a light at the end of a tunnel. When it's been a rough day with the kids, a phone call from a friend can change how we feel. Because we have the reminder that there is a world out there after all. That we haven't been completely forgotten or excluded. 

Often on Facebook people will pop up inspiring slogans or phrases, that while they are annoying to some are actually really enjoyable for me to read. Because there is just so much negativity in the world and it is so easy to get sucked into it and focus on that instead. I'm just as guilty of it as the next person. Those posters are great visual reminders to rise above or learn to co-exist with it all. 

So while I will continue to take my cookies with a rather large grain of salt, I will secretly admit I kind of like them.

What do you think of fortune cookies? Ridiculous rubbish or some yummy fun?

Make a dream come true

(I have been honoured to host many inspiring authors as they guest post here. Today I bring you Kristyn aka MummyK. Please make her welcome xx)

So I’ve produced a book. A little children’s book 

It started out small – me just wanting to preserve a favourite family tale told to us by our mum when we were kids. We had no books growing up. They were expensive in the Philippines and we weren’t well off.

This one story, The Dragon and The Lizard, was one of our favourites. I never wanted to write a children’s book. But after having my daughter, I realised very quickly I wanted her to know the stories I enjoyed as a child. So I decided to write this little story to preserve it. I initially wanted to create something small -- a copy for my family to keep and for friends to enjoy. But then I saw that there are people out there self-publishing their own tales and I thought maybe I should bite the bullet.

I have no grand plans of selling millions of copies. It would be cool if I did though. I am just really glad and relieved that the book got printed. With the help of friends and the online community, I made this one little dream come true. And the thing is, I’ve never gotten a “not another children’s book” comment from anyone. Everyone is truly inspired that I did this and my heart just swells with the amount of support I’ve gotten. I think it’s because if I can do it, they know they can do it themselves too. I know of many mums with stories in their heads that they want to turn into a book, but the book idea seems too big, or too impossible, or too much work.

The reality is that with various self-publishing tools these days, it is not impossible. For my case, I saved money because my friends put in their time to edit and do the illustrations for my book. I was able to do the layout myself because I have designing skills. But various self-publishing tools online provide these services too – for a price.

Because of this one little dream coming true, a new possibility has emerged. My mother talked to my uncle about what I did and now they are remembering together the other original tales they were told as kids, which means I might have another one or two books I can do. I’ve also been brainstorming with some great people in the blogging world who gave me several tips on other books I could write about – all because I’ve opened up this avenue for myself.

So you see? For me, taking the risk of making one little dream come true is so much better than not taking any risks at all. And if you want to do the same, feel free to contact me. I would be more than happy to brainstorm with you and make your own project come alive.

Kristyn aka MummyK is a freelance journalist/photographer/editor and a first time children’s book author. She is mum to one little girl and two little dogs, and wife to her IT consultant/musician husband. She blogs at http://mummyk.com and tweets as @themummyk.

A Peachy Clean giveaway - CLOSED

Thank you for all your lovely entries. I hope I can do this again very soon! And the winner is Cookster for a really romantic entry ;) Please email me at possibilities75@gmail.com so I can organise to get you your prize!

HostedbyThreeLilPrincesses

WARNING: This post contains a giveaway of luxurious and organic skincare including Sodashi.

*******

"I didn't recognise you!" exclaimed my cousin today. I grinned. A chance encounter with a friend the other day had me begging to know where she had holidayed because she looked AWESOME. She let me in on her little secret and now I am thrilled to be able to share it with you.  No I haven't undergone radical transformative plastic surgery. But this little note arrived with a parcel the other day that not only made me smile, it made me rip the packaging open:

 I have gone from this:

to this:

Thanks to the gorgeous Hayley Thompson at Peachy Clean I was transformed using an organic eco tan. It didn't smell or stain anything, and having worked the gamut of fake tans before I can safely say it is the best one I have ever tried. Apart from the fact that one of its key ingredients is chocolate, *swoon* it dries pretty much straight away and didn't annoy me at all. 

Hayley has just launched her gorgeous website Peachy Clean where she sources luxury organic skincare and she is the only site in Australia licenced to sell Sodashi skincare which I have shared my love for previously. Add to that she is a Perth girl and a total sweetheart you can see why I was excited to work with her.

To celebrate the launch of her new site (and just FYI you can find her on Facebook here) she has very generously provided me with a luxury goody bag including this magic eco tan to give one of my readers. 

It contains:  1 x Eco Tan Fake Tan

                   1 x Eco Tan Exfoliating Glove

                   1 x Sodashi After Sun Recovery Body Lotion (it is Summer!)

                   1 x Butter London nailpolish in MacBeth (a beautiful watermelon colour!)

To enter: Just leave a comment and tell me what is your favourite thing about Summer.

                Entries close Monday 21st November.

                Open worldwide.

The girl on the couch

I read this post the other day and like so many of this particular writer's posts it stayed with me for a long time after I clicked away. One particular line stood out for me: " I read somewhere or someone told me that after age forty a woman has to exercise vigorously for an hour a day just to MAINTAIN her weight. This frustrates me and fuels my urge to just stop it all, to just give up and sit on the couch and slowly spread out until I become one of the people that cannot leave my house without a wall being knocked down. "

Because I get that. I have during dark days wondered if that might be me. If possibly I too would go there and succumb to the same thing.

Because the truth is I have struggled with my weight since I was put on my first diet aged 12.
It kickstarted a cycle of dieting, gaining, dieting and gaining that went on for years. Retrospectively I cannot believe how much of my life was spent thinking about food. Thinking about eating it, thinking about preparing it, thinking about not eating it. And of course, the guilt when I did eat it. I used and abused my body with food and suffered the consequences in a multitude of ways.

Therapy last year was a saviour for me. It helped me recognise my disordered approach to food and the destructive patterns I had created for myself. I broke many of the associations I had with it as being 'good' or 'bad.' I learned to let go of the guilt and shame I associated with it and my body as a result.

These days I know I cannot be the girl on the couch. Partly because I don't want to be. But also because I know I am better than that. By pushing myself to be physically active and challenging myself to try new things, my body is better for it. By choosing not to put crap in my mouth, I am in charge rather than letting the negative mindset that dominated me for so many years.

These days my focus is on strength. I am working on building a strong body for myself and a strong mind. Because the girl on the couch is one of my alternate realities. I absolutely know that. I also know with every fibre of my being that I don't want to become her. I cannot educate my children on the merits and virtues of healthy eating and regular exercise if I am not actively modelling them for my kids at the same time. It would make me the worst kind of hypocrite.


I won't ever be a model or rail thin. But I will continue to work towards having a healthy BMI. I will continue to make good choices as often as possible. Not because anyone else tells me that I should, or because I feel guilty if I don't. But because I can. That doesn't make it easy. I work hard at this. But I have never been afraid of hard work. And I suspect that it will only get harder. But the payoff? The knowledge that I am doing my best by my family, and more importantly by myself?

Totally worth it.

(The image at the top is one I have cut out and put on my inspiration board. Kind of sums it up)